for epistemological

[corkscrewed]

[ further continued from this thread. ]

[ things are, for a few more days, pretty good. they make progress. they make tentative plans. martin spends a lot of time with jon, wrapped around him when they sleep, and they never manage to quite finish the movie.

so, yes: things are pretty great, until suddenly they aren't anymore.

it's a strain to hold out hope with both tim and daisy gone, with jon in the hospital, but he does because he has no choice. the circumstances are less than ideal when he finally meets georgie, but she seems to understand the situation by the look on martin's face when she comes into the hospital room with her coffee. she usually brings two coffees from that point on.

so he clings to hope, because he has to, and when that finally starts to fray? peter is there. peter, who promises him that he can help. that with jon gone - and jon is gone, he says with gentle urgency - that others are going to need to step up. that martin will, because that's the only way to keep everyone safe. sure, it won't be easy at first, but it will get easier, and he'll barely notice the difference. that concessions need to be made.

so martin agrees to those concessions, and georgie starts spending more time at the hospital, to pick up the slack that martin leaves.

and then jon wakes up. don't, peter tells him. if you want this to work, you can't. it'll be easier if you don't think about it.

it works for a while, too. not that it's gotten easier at all like peter promised (and he has, quietly, sent georgie a single message to ask if he's okay, because that's all he needs to make it), but because martin is stubborn. because he's this far in, and if he can be the one to keep everyone safe, then he will.

it's working well enough until the evening jon's office door opens, and martin swears under his breath. the expression jon will catch on him is surprise, panic, before it's carefully arranged into something more neutral. busted. ]

Comments

[epistemological]

[ The moment is somewhat broken by Jon looking genuinely flabbergasted and more than a little horrified.]

You didn't.

[corkscrewed]

[ and martin looks appropriately sheepish. ]

It was freezing outside. I shared a biscuit with it.

[epistemological]

Just tell me you didn't put the dog in the with the statements.

[corkscrewed]

I don't... think I did? But it's- it's been a while.

[ GUILTY ]

[epistemological]

...Martin.

[ He's just so... affronted.]

[corkscrewed]

[ and he can't help it: despite the bad mood, and the drunkenness, and the outright hopelessness of literally everything right now? he just buries his face in jon's hair and laughs. ]

[epistemological]

[ And that's... actually kind of wonderful, in a terrible sort of way. Martin laughing into his hair, right up against him, making fun of him when so many of his days feel like he's becoming something that wouldn't know a smile if it ran up and bit him.

And making Martin laugh, knowing what he knows now... that's golden, really.]

So glad to know you take me seriously.

[ But there's a curl to his lips.]

[corkscrewed]

[ the laughter gets a little louder, martin's fingers gripping at jon's side, before he finally settles again. ]

I would bring him back in, too. And I'd give him your tea.

[epistemological]

Tell me you at least cleaned the cup.

[ He's certainly frowning. It's not pouting. He'll tell you it isn't, that's how you know.]

[corkscrewed]

Of course I did.

[ martin exhales then, shifting just enough to kiss the shell of jon's ear. ]

Go back to sleep.

[epistemological]

[ The kiss stills him, has him ducking his head and letting it press into Martin's shoulder. He closes his eyes then.]

All right.

[ He doesn't like to sleep but... he will here.]

[corkscrewed]

Great. Let me just-

[ he's going to move enough to get comfortable again, there curled on the cot with jon. it's not easy. he's cramped, and a little stiff, but he's completely unwilling to go anywhere else - especially if jon is going to sleep. ]

Thanks.

[epistemological]

[ Jon doesn't say anything, choosing instead to pat Martin's hand around his middle before making his eyes close again. He'll need to make himself sleep, but he's been reading so many statements, stretching his abilities so far, looking over so many things...

It's easier than it ought to be.]

[corkscrewed]

[ martin doesn't mean to sleep. he wants to stay awake, to savor the feeling of jon beneath his hand, but then he blinks and it's hours later. his head throbs, and his stomach is sour, but he's warm and heavy otherwise.

reluctantly, he shifts to slide off of jon. ]

[epistemological]

[ Jon's hand reaches out, wraps around his wrist.

Then, deliberately... it let's go.

Sleepy, still clearly tired, he pushes himself away from the pillow enough to show his face. His hair is, frankly, ridiculous.]

Kiss goodbye?

[corkscrewed]

[ he shouldn't. ]

--yeah. Of course.

[ martin just - watches him for a second, because the sight of his hair like that warms him up. he closes the distance between them, then, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to jon's mouth. ]

[epistemological]

[ There's no trick to it, no tug in to deepen it. He's just sleepy and doesn't want Martin to go and he wanted a kiss.

The kiss back is slightly awkward from the angle and because he's still rather muzzy.]

Love you. Don't forget.

[corkscrewed]

[ he has to forget. he can't allow himself to remember.

instead of saying that, he just presses another kiss to jon's forehead. ]

You're not alone. Don't forget.

[epistemological]

[ But that's not- no. He shakes his head a little.]

You can't forget.

[ He's very firm on this point.]

If I love you, you can't forget.

[ That's how this deal works, Martin.]

[corkscrewed]

Jon -

[ the noise he makes is throaty, half-frustrated. ]

It's- best if you forget that part.

[epistemological]

[ Jon looks up at him and there is fire in his eyes, something fully and utterly awake.

And it's not the Archivist.

It's Jonathan Sims.]

Never.

[corkscrewed]

You know we can't have this.

[ he doesn't mean to plead, he knows it isn't convincing. he hasn't managed to let go of jon's arm yet. ]

You know that.

[epistemological]

[ He shifts a little, his other hand reaching out and putting the flat of his palm up against Martin's chest. Then he asks.]

What does this know?

[ No compulsion.

If he needed it for this, it would be too late already.]

[corkscrewed]

That's not fair.

[ he catches jon's hand with his own free one, fingers curling over it. holding it to his chest. ]

It knows that - that last night was a mistake.

[epistemological]

[ His fingers curl lightly against Martin's chest. His eyes meet Martin's. He doesn't need to say the words, does he? He doesn't need to actually ask if that's the truth.

They both know it isn't.]

I told you I won't interfere.

But I also told you why I won't interfere.