agoodyarn | for corkscrewed: of all the ridiculous nonsense...

I'm sorry, Jon. All of that sounds- difficult. Really difficult.

[ he can't quite fathom it himself. sure, martin had had his own difficulties when it came to his sexuality - namely, figuring out that he really was gay, the fear that he was a disappointment. it had just been him and his mother, and then there was a point where caring for her became more important than figuring himself out.

so he had delayed it, and - ]

I, um, experimented some too, when I was younger. It was harder, I didn't always have the... time. [ he isn't sure why he's saying this, other than a need to share with jon, now that jon has opened up to him. ] It was fun, but casual things just didn't really...

[ he trails off, shrugging one shoulder. ]

I always got invested. Imagine that.

[ he's quiet, regarding jon for a moment, before he smiles gently at him. ]

Thank you. For sharing.

[ He shakes that off, firmly, because the last thing he wants is an apology over the idiocy of his youth. He'd done what he'd done because he was trying to figure himself out, and if he'd done it quicker, he never would have hurt Georgie in the first place. That she'd forgiven him was a testament to her kindness and his good luck and nothing less.

He listens to Martin though, fighting back a ridiculous little surge of jealousy that doesn't even make sense but he can't deny it's there, not hardly. When he mentions the 'investment', he can't help a wry chuckle.]

Well, no problem there at least.

[ Jon's... Jon doesn't really do anything but investment, when it comes right down to it. He wouldn't even have found Martin of interest or considered the idea if there hadn't already been-

Whatever else he'd thought about Martin before that moment in the bed, there'd been a huge amount of trust, a quiet appreciation, and the ability to, if not relax around him all the time (no one quite had that) then at least the desire to... to want to. ]

No thanks necessary. I imagine as we work out the, er, [ there's the obvious word and he avoids it] the wrinkles to all of this, we'll find ourselves sharing all sorts of... pertinent information.

Could you sit with me?

[ he cuts his eyes up to jon, hesitant. ]

Until dinner gets here? I want-

[ he struggles, unsure how to put what he wants into words. closeness. he just wants to lean on him for a minute. it's - he's made it a weird, personal mission to be there to support jon whenever and however he can, and he will; but it's nice, too, to have someone to lean on sometimes, physically and otherwise. ]

If you'd just sit with me.

[ He looks... well, he does look a little surprised, to be honest. Mostly because he's rarely the person anyone's ever looked to for- well, for something like that. But he does put down the book he'd been about to take up again (mostly out of habit and a desire to complete the damn thing, it's still awful) and walk over to sit beside Martin as asked.

After a moment of thought, he puts out a hand to where Martin's working one can reach.]

[ martin ignores the hand. he knows food is going to be arriving soon, that they're both going to have to move, and - well, laying like this is a little bit awkward, but he doesn't care. he shifts to gingerly lie down again, resting his head against jon's thigh. ]

Gonna be weird, going back to work. The office, I mean.

[ Oh. Oh, he wants- okay. He can... he can handle that.

The hand shifts over to lightly drift through his hair, slide gently along the line of his shoulder.]

To be fair, [ he points out ] 'work' does involve, well, plenty of 'weird'.

[ He looks down at Martin.]

I've been trying not to think about it.

How can you do anything but think about it?

[ martin makes a quiet, comforted noise. the pose is apparently less awkward than he'd been worried about. ]

Really, I just get so - angry, even looking at Elias anymore.

Because if I think of what Elias will do it I do this or what he'll do if I choose that... I'll make decisions to cause him consternation as opposed to because I ought to make them.

[ He looks down at Martin, and this is... this is a less personal piece of information to share. Nevertheless, his voice is a little distant as he speaks, his hands still gently roaming through Martin's hair.]

He told me once that you, all of you, were merely pawns. Pieces for me to sacrifice in the greater chess game. That of all the things Gertrude had neglected and eschewed as Archivist, that at least she had understood.

[ He's quiet for a moment before-]

I'd honestly rather die than understand that.

[ He looks down again at Martin.]

I don't blame you.

[ well, that gets his eyes to fly open, and he stares up at jon, his expression much less sleepy than it had before. ]

He- he hired us as sacrifices? Are you kidding?

[ NOW HE'S FIRED UP. ]

Well that sure explains a lot. God, I would love to just- really be able to give him a piece of my mind, except he'd probably enjoy that.

[ Jon's response is to raise an eyebrow. Does he sound as if he's kidding? Or more precisely, does that sound like the kind of thing that he'd kid about?]

He has more pieces of all of us than he deserves. That's why I try not to give him much thought.

[ There's a faint smile, something wry but just a little bit mean, the unpleasantness pointed across the pond as opposed to Martin.]

Privately, I think he enjoys knowing he's bothering us. So I do my best to ignore him.

Edited 2019-02-03 21:57 (UTC)

[ martin sags back down, but his expression is sour now, a scowl drawing the corners of his lips tight. ]

Awful for him, then. He's- I reckon he's underestimated us. He'll figure that out eventually.

[ melanie is a wild card and tim has just given up. there are some things martin can't admit all at once, just for his own sanity. ]

[ Jon's kept his hand in Martin's hair but he ventures out the side of his thumb to run lightly along the line of his jaw.]

I have no doubt he will.

[ He gives a single dry laugh.]

As soon as we think of something.

[ Then he looks down at Martin.]

For now, he's got no place here, at least.

[ martin stares up at him, a little glassy-eyed, and probably completely unaware of the ferocity of the devotion in his own gaze. he swallows heavily, and then is interrupted by a knock at the door.

at least he isn't going to offer to get it; he'll just lift his head and upper body so that jon isn't pinned beneath him anymore. ]

[ Jon's been trying to see things, trying to See them even, for his entire life. Elias, as much as he was a bastard, he hadn't been wrong about him. He's always wanted to know, and he's never looked away from the truth when he got a faceful of it.

So he sees that ferocity, sees that devotion, feels it warm him to the top and bottom of his soul and he calls himself a bastard for whatever hope he's giving the other man that he doubts he's smart enough, hard enough, or lucky enough to back up. No, he's reasonably certain that he's going to die in a few weeks time, and leave Martin to either be tapped for the position of Archivist himself, or subject to whatever replacement Elias finds for him.

That's why he leans over to press a kiss to Martin's temple before he slips away to the door and gets the food from the bellhop.]

[ martin will sit up, albeit more than a bit reluctantly, as jon retrieves their food. he watches him a little muzzily, rubbing the back of his neck, but he can't help the swell of warmth that comes with the press of the lips against temple.

he'll wait until the door shuts to speak. ]

Smells good.

[ he really just wants jon back. ]

[ Jon makes a noise, an agreement sort of noise though it's relatively non-committal, before he carries the trays over to the bed and puts them down on the bed table. He opens the first one up and passes it over to Martin since it appears to be the burger before opening his own. Both of them look about right so he stuffs away the menu since it doesn't look as if he'll need to call them back for any corrections. ]

Certainly large enough.

American portions.

[ said with a quiet, gentle agreeableness. he's going to pick at his burger, eating mostly because he knows he needs to. ]

You got our tickets back tomorrow, right? We'll need to get to the airport pretty early.

[ He frowns a little as he looks down at his sandwich.]

I haven't adjusted them yet. My ticket is still listed for the day after tomorrow. I figured I'd fix things after dinner.

Seems like it'd cost a whole lot more, adjusting the day of the flight on such short notice and all that.

[ he picks the lettuce off of his burger, eating it directly. ]

Just, um. My thinking.

Well, I wasn't planning on doing it the day of.

[ He takes a fry or two and dips it into the au jus.]

And it was always going to be the day before. Nothing for it.

Yeah. -- I mean, yeah, you're right. Spending an extra day here would be irresponsible. We've got a lot to do back home, don't we?

[ he didn't quite feel the same pressing urgency that jon did, but ... it was there. drowsily, he leans over to take one of jon's french fries, ignoring the perfectly good pile in his own container. ]

I wish I could say different.

[ Jon watches Martin steal his fry with some curiosity. There's no fuss made, not even a frown on his lips. It's just... curious.]

Believe me, if it weren't for the end of the world...

[ His eyes go wide and he presses his lips tight. It really should say everything that needs saying.

Really, he'd be the first person willing to spend Institute funds for an extra day of vacation.]

I know. It was selfish.

[ he doesn't want to abandon the others, would never on purpose; so there's a little guilt that comes with the realization of his own near-suggestion. they shouldn't be enjoying themselves like this with the impending doom of the unknowing, not while the others were literally trapped within the walls of the institute.

martin finishes his burger in near silence, before- ]

I'm going to recheck some of the notes I made. I think they were a little sloppy.

Unless they’ll clean up to tell us where the ritual is going to be, I doubt it’s of much concern.

[ He likes his work as immaculate as the next Archivist, but there’s something to be said for downtime. And they’ve had precious little of it of late.]

You’ve worked at least 20 hours overtime this week regardless, Martin, unpaid.

[ He tips his head towards their food. ]

Once this is done I have every intention of adjusting out tickets before we find a nature documentary or something. It will be the last chance for an activity together... and my book is dreadful.

[ he's torn between itching to do something, anything productive, and the thought of actually having more downtime with jon. he already finds himself craving those small moments of private intimacy, the casual touches - he's starved for affection. ]

I- okay. If you think that's alright, then... you're the boss.

[ he could enjoy a nature documentary. ]

for corkscrewed: of all the ridiculous nonsense...

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